(By David Giarrizzo)
Apart from one’s commitment to spend an eternity loving and obeying Christ, marriage is the most important commitment a person could enter into in life. As John Piper points out in his recent book, This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence, “The meaning of marriage is the display of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his people.” A marriage between a man and his wife is a life-long covenant; but a covenant which ends at death. Contrastingly, the covenant between Christ and His bride, the universal church, is an eternal covenant that will not falter, fade, or fail. One is temporary; the other is permanent. Earthly marriage is but a shadow of the much greater reality. This symbolism, then, is important for us to understand and teach. Marriage is a divine institution, a high calling. Marriage is something that Christians should be intentional about pursuing.

I was recently listening to a podcast of Al Mohler’s radio program which dealt with “the need for intentionality in the relationships young people pursue.”  (You can listen to that program here.) I was encouraged to hear this topic discussed on the show that day. The main thrust of the program’s discussion was centered on the point that marriage is a worthwhile goal for young people to pursue, just as noble a pursuit as an education, career, and place to live. But this message isn’t being widely taught in churches today. Granted, there will probably always be some sort of controversy over the methods unmarried people (and their church ministries) employ to get married; but my point is simply that unmarried people—who know that they are without the gift of singleness—should deliberately plan for marriage.

An attitude of intentionality about marriage naturally affects one’s perspective on relationships with the opposite sex. Friendships between single believers is a terrific “proving ground” for determining whether a brother or sister in Christ is potential husband or wife material. (And yes, I think that men and women both need to possess this intentionality about marriage.) But this requires an intentional mindset in addition to a mind that is able to discern God’s mysterious moving.

Dating too should have a purpose (see Joshua Harris’ fine book for more on this topic). Recreational dating (being romantically involved just for the fun of it) is not only unwise, it is unbiblical. Likewise, long, drawn-out, directionless relationships have little value and can actually take attention away from God’s design of marriage. Of course you want to get to know the person you may possibly marry, but don’t spend months and years wondering and waiting (for more on this, see this series of blog posts).  This does not mean that I advocate young people hurrying to the altar to get married to their boyfriend or girlfriend. Instead, I am encouraging an attitude of intent towards marriage and a spirit of submission to God. (There is some good advice relating to questions about marrying young here.)

The best place for young single adults to cultivate relationships and find a spouse is in the local church. Therefore, those of us who are married should unashamedly encourage younger single believers to pursue marriage with intentionality, especially those who are in serious relationships. Allow me to use a personal anecdote to illustrate my point. Prior to our marriage, when Paige and I were purposefully dating, some of the best advice we received was from those who knew us and cared for us and told us not to prolong the inevitable. I was 19 when I bought her ring. By today’s standards, that’s young. And, trust me, I felt young! But we knew that marriage was the goal that lay before us. We had been prayerfully pursuing that end throughout our courtship. Seeking God’s will for us marrying was our intent from the beginning. So when we were both convinced of God’s leading us towards matrimony, why wait until we both had college diplomas in our pockets and careers under our feet? God shows us that marriage is bigger than a college education and better than money-making careers when He tells us that the marriage covenant is a reflection of Christ’s covenant with His people (Ephesians 5:25-33). Therefore, I am grateful for my local community of saints and for those who encouraged us to pursue marriage without delay.

Finally, with such strong encouragement comes an equally strong warning: Marriage should never become an idol, something that is worshipped because of itself. Instead, marriage should be sought after and desired because of the God that it displays and the covenant that it represents. May we ever give God all of the praise and glory for the wonderful gift of marriage and for the much greater gift that it points to, our Kinsman-Redeemer, Jesus Christ.

(By: Nicholas Kennicott)

I love giving away good books (not mine, but copies that I buy for others!). Over the past several months, one of the books I have given away frequently to Christian fathers is Voddie Baucham’s latest volume entitled, What He Must Be… if he wants to Marry My Daughter. As a pastor, I am frequently observing the devastating effects of unbiblical relationships as young people pursue mates while their parents take a back seat and “hope for the best.” As I read Baucham’s book for the first time, I had to refrain from standing and shouting “Amen!” on several occasions. I am thankful for his wisdom and courage in a day when the pursuit of a biblical framework for relationships is chided and ignored, even within much of the Church.

Baucham writes in chapter 1:

This book is built on a single, simple premise: I believe fathers have a God-given responsibility to see to it that their daughters marry well and that their sons become worthy husbands. As such, I believe it is necessary for fathers to model biblical manhood, teach biblical manhood, and hunt for biblical manhood on behalf of their daughters. Similarly, I believe fathers with sons have a responsibility to prepare their sons for marriage. (27)

This is a great read, not only for fathers with daughters, but also for those with sons. Baucham does a masterful job in describing what biblical manhood looks like, and what a father should be looking for in a potential mate for his daughter, or what he should be instilling in, modeling, and teaching his son. With very few examples today of what men are called to be, it is imperative that Christian families understand God’s design, purpose, and desire. So, according to Baucham, what must a man be if he is to marry his daughter?

• He must be a follower of Christ
• He must be prepared to lead
• He must lead like Christ (Ephesians 5)
• He must be committed to children
• He must practice the four P’s (Protector, Provider, Prophet, Priest)

Each of these elements comprises an entire chapter in What He Must Be. Additionally, Baucham provides biblically sound, practical wisdom regarding the father’s role, namely that he is to walk his daughter through the process of finding, vetting, courting, and marrying “Mr. Right”. Baucham provides ample evidence from the Old and New Testaments of the Scriptures and soundly defeats many critics who suppose much of what the Bible teaches on relationships is “cultural” in nature. What He Must Be is a “must read” for Christian fathers, and would also be a great read for young men and women who are preparing themselves for courtship and marriage.

If for no other reason, I recommend reading Baucham’s book for his excellent analysis of the current crisis in marriage and “dating” relationships:

Little thought is given to preparing our sons to be husbands. Thus, they meander through life without the skills or mind-set necessary to play the most important role until one day, having met ‘the one,’ they pop the question, set a date, and — in the rarest cases — go to the pastor to learn everything they need to know about being a priest, prophet, provider, and protector of a household in four one-hour sessions. In the words of that great theologian Dr. Phil, ‘How’s that workin’ for ya?’

As a result, we have families led by men who haven’t the foggiest idea what their role is or how to carry it out. We have wives who were created with a God-given need to be led by godly men, a curse from the days in the garden that puts them at odds with this arrangement, and a cultural mandate to fight against male headship. Top this off with children who long for security that can only be found in clear roles and boundaries in the home, and the result is a frustrated family mired by dysfunction. Sound familiar?

Yes, unfortunately it sounds all too familiar as it plays out in the Church across America because many have decided to adapt to the world’s systems instead of clinging to the wisdom of God.