(By: Nicholas Kennicott)

As the father of a 4 month old girl, I now find myself constantly looking for good resources regarding the raising and care of daughters. As I’ve considered the difference between boys and girls, I suppose it’s not accurate to say that one is easier than the other to raise — but, it sure seems as though girls are a bit more difficult!

One of the areas of utmost concern for me is what my daughter will understand about modesty and self-image. As we’ve looked around at the baby stores in our community, I’m appauled at newborn clothing with statements blazened across the front like “Supermodel”, “Single and Fabulous”, “Princess”, or “Her Royal Highness.” And while many will say that these things are cute for babies, it’s important to remember that how we dress our children in the early years will determine a lot about how they dress themselves later in life.

In addition to clothing and modesty, there are several other areas that parents of girls must be concerned about, especially with the ever increasing acceptance of everything sexual in our cultural context. The Covenant Eyes blog, Breaking Free, has a fantastic article entitled Guarding Our Daughters in This Sexualized Culture. I’d encourage you to read the entire thing, but here are the writer’s main points:

Pray for her. It’s not long after that positive pregnancy test that a mother realizes the well-being and security of her child are almost entirely out of her hands. She is left with this choice: a lifetime of desperation, or a lifetime of prayer. May she always choose prayer, prayer and prayer.

Let her be a little girl for years—in her toy-box and wardrobe. Encourage little girls to play like little girls: dolls, kitchen, doctor, school, blocks, and good-quality books. Be very careful about the TV programs, movies, websites, and video games to which your daughter is exposed. And enjoy dressing your sweetheart like a little girl. Research shows that “dressing beyond her years” is one of the top reasons for early promiscuity.

Don’t make a big deal about body image, natural curiosity, or accidental innuendos. If you can cover over these things with grace, you will be protecting your daughter from shame and unnecessarily mature information which you feel is inappropriate for her premature world.

Enjoy dressing modestly with her. In a funny way, it was rewarding when my 3 year-old saw a workout video for the first time and asked, “Why are those ladies naked?” Of course, they weren’t naked, but to her, they were wearing far fewer clothes than we wear. I was grateful for her innocence.

Teach her to have compassion on (and to look away from) paper women who are objectifying themselves; you and your daughters should be in the habit of looking away from the same supermarket magazines that you would expect your sons and husbands to look away from as well. The airbrushed images are just as damaging to females as they are to men. (And by all means, remove these images from your coffee table, and take them out of your bathroom baskets! Yikes!)

Celebrate the beauty of her inner-self, which is growing more Christ-like each day. Our little girls should be able to see the same beauty in us.

Give her full permission to SCREAM at the top of her lungs whenever she is in danger. Her high-pitched ear-piercing scream might get on your last nerve, but it is a God-given device of protection. Explain to her that if she is ever in danger, she should scream her lungs out. Have a screaming match with her indoors and outdoors so that she is comfortable letting it rip in both environments. As she understands this amazing defense mechanism, you may be pleased to notice that she uses it more frugally around the house. It will be good for you both to remember that you are worth protecting.

Plan activities and conversations that tie your heart to hers. May both Mommy and Daddy take her out on regular dates, establish bed-time traditions, talk to her at dinner time, enjoy her personality and love her—no matter what the circumstance. Here are some books that have helped me to think about these things and to plan for the future: Noel Piper’s Treasuring God in Our Traditions, Dannah Gresh’s Secret Keeper Girl: 8 Great Dates for You and Your Daughter, and Carolyn Mahaney’s Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood.

Fill her up with God’s glorious design for girlhood. Instead of focusing on all of the “no’s” and “don’t’s,” celebrate the “yes’s” and “do’s”. We’ve greatly enjoyed God’s Wisdom for Little Girls: Virtues and Fun from Proverbs 31.

Also, don’t miss the link that the author included regarding modesty — there’s a dynamite series on 10 Days to Modesty at the Like a Warm Cup of Coffee blog.

(By: Nicholas Kennicott)

I love giving away good books (not mine, but copies that I buy for others!). Over the past several months, one of the books I have given away frequently to Christian fathers is Voddie Baucham’s latest volume entitled, What He Must Be… if he wants to Marry My Daughter. As a pastor, I am frequently observing the devastating effects of unbiblical relationships as young people pursue mates while their parents take a back seat and “hope for the best.” As I read Baucham’s book for the first time, I had to refrain from standing and shouting “Amen!” on several occasions. I am thankful for his wisdom and courage in a day when the pursuit of a biblical framework for relationships is chided and ignored, even within much of the Church.

Baucham writes in chapter 1:

This book is built on a single, simple premise: I believe fathers have a God-given responsibility to see to it that their daughters marry well and that their sons become worthy husbands. As such, I believe it is necessary for fathers to model biblical manhood, teach biblical manhood, and hunt for biblical manhood on behalf of their daughters. Similarly, I believe fathers with sons have a responsibility to prepare their sons for marriage. (27)

This is a great read, not only for fathers with daughters, but also for those with sons. Baucham does a masterful job in describing what biblical manhood looks like, and what a father should be looking for in a potential mate for his daughter, or what he should be instilling in, modeling, and teaching his son. With very few examples today of what men are called to be, it is imperative that Christian families understand God’s design, purpose, and desire. So, according to Baucham, what must a man be if he is to marry his daughter?

• He must be a follower of Christ
• He must be prepared to lead
• He must lead like Christ (Ephesians 5)
• He must be committed to children
• He must practice the four P’s (Protector, Provider, Prophet, Priest)

Each of these elements comprises an entire chapter in What He Must Be. Additionally, Baucham provides biblically sound, practical wisdom regarding the father’s role, namely that he is to walk his daughter through the process of finding, vetting, courting, and marrying “Mr. Right”. Baucham provides ample evidence from the Old and New Testaments of the Scriptures and soundly defeats many critics who suppose much of what the Bible teaches on relationships is “cultural” in nature. What He Must Be is a “must read” for Christian fathers, and would also be a great read for young men and women who are preparing themselves for courtship and marriage.

If for no other reason, I recommend reading Baucham’s book for his excellent analysis of the current crisis in marriage and “dating” relationships:

Little thought is given to preparing our sons to be husbands. Thus, they meander through life without the skills or mind-set necessary to play the most important role until one day, having met ‘the one,’ they pop the question, set a date, and — in the rarest cases — go to the pastor to learn everything they need to know about being a priest, prophet, provider, and protector of a household in four one-hour sessions. In the words of that great theologian Dr. Phil, ‘How’s that workin’ for ya?’

As a result, we have families led by men who haven’t the foggiest idea what their role is or how to carry it out. We have wives who were created with a God-given need to be led by godly men, a curse from the days in the garden that puts them at odds with this arrangement, and a cultural mandate to fight against male headship. Top this off with children who long for security that can only be found in clear roles and boundaries in the home, and the result is a frustrated family mired by dysfunction. Sound familiar?

Yes, unfortunately it sounds all too familiar as it plays out in the Church across America because many have decided to adapt to the world’s systems instead of clinging to the wisdom of God.